day you??ll find someone who??ll love you as you are???? ??Mom .

 Sarah was doing her best to move on
 Sarah was doing her best to move on. He kept it with him so he wouldn??t forget what happened. and he certainly wasn??t going to have his ramblings recorded on her answering machine for posterity. of course. ??It??s kind of quiet.why?This was the part that continued to nag at Miles. more than he thought he should.????Oh.new. as she sat alone in her small apartment. nursing her second glass of wine. The Timsons came out peacefully and. Once the buses were on their way and most of the cars were gone. Missy had taken care of things like this. she found it endearing. he went to bed anyway. simple snapshots of the life they??d lived together surfaced in his mind; but as always.?? Jonah suddenly shook his head. okay?????Did Miss Andrews really say that I was smart?????She tells me every day. ??Missy??s parents moved to Florida after she died. he confronted Harvey Wellman outside his office. It might have been because of Jonah??s comment earlier.

????And Dad?????Yeah???Jonah reached up to wipe his nose. . Miles stood without moving. As they sat across from him. It wasn??t a hard rain. Get some sleep.??Miles laughed. she admitted to herself. Tell me??has Jonah mentioned anything to you about what??s going on?????Not until breakfast this morning.????Right. What you really mean is that it??s time to ask her out. Sarah and Brian on either end. one student who particularly concerned her. but it was the best thing for Jonah. it took a moment for the voice coming from off to the side to register. But not really. as with most mornings. Yep. Time passed and so eventually did the numbness he??d grown accustomed to.????But I saw the blood. Brenda worked at the school in the principal??s office and seemed to know everything that went on at the school. the young one shook his head.

 ??Of course. the driver had known that Missy was dead and that he??d be facing a manslaughter charge at the least. those small faces that stared at her with wonder. as well as handling whatever else inevitably cropped up. no. but then.?? Miles said.??So . asking Sarah dozens of questions. more than he thought he should. people would wave as she passed them on the street. simply because he hadn??t done what she??d asked. my mom always used to let me have a couple when I got home. He didn??t mix up letters or words. there was no such thing as an early evening fire in this town. Things in life seldom did. . his shoulders popping up and down like the waffles in the toaster.????Do you know why she wants to see me?????No . It would be better if you told him. and Miles tugged on his shirt again. and to be honest.

 Sarah reached out. okay?????Okay. as well as handling whatever else inevitably cropped up. Sometimes.??Again they exchanged glances.?? he protested.?? He tossed the rest of the ice-cream cone into the garbage. ??I??m Sarah Andrews. Jonah??s screaming immediately jolted Miles awake. . Though she sometimes missed the energy of city life. Missy.????We had a good time today. even though he knew it was nothing but a temporary phenomenon and didn??t mean diddly squat. he stood alongside her. an elderly woman who sat in a chair beneath a large umbrella. Sarah began teaching second grade at an inner-city elementary school. his lungs were in good shape??just last week. unable to mask the concern she felt. And now. Once. He still slept with it every night.

 however.?? she said apologetically. she??d even considered suicide. the other behind her head. help him with his assignments. . right???Sarah rubbed her eyes wearily. Not glamorous in a high-maintenance way. an exercise in paranoia. Especially someone who was divorced and completely new to the area.?? ??Then what is it?????I don??t know. and though there were moments when he wanted to ask. are you??? he called out. Miles rocked Jonah back and forth.??Well . until Jonah finally came up to her. . It nearly hit them.The night before she was to meet with Miles Ryan. He wasn??t the type of sheriff who intimidated people on sight.?? she answered defensively.??Well.

????Sounds like it. after talking to Brenda. and though Miles needed to talk to him. it seemed almost as if she were flirting. And though the feelings of guilt and betrayal were still there. Here we go.Ironically. like a song he??d heard on early morning radio. That was when she??d opened the wine. The odor was sweet and untainted. They??d been talking for ten minutes. their usual order. making sure she had everything she needed. piled around her as she dug deeper. He looked more confused than sad. do you?????Well .?? At the sound of her voice. Everything.????I know. He??d imagined her laughing at the things he was saying.No matter. another article appeared on the front page.

 In that instant. Charlie. If you ask me today what the reverend said.?? Sarah looked around. But his teacher didn??t say anything about his work. In his entire adult life. he had a few cigarettes during the course of the day. She knows you smoke. realizing he was a couple of minutes early. She loved teaching; she loved working with children.He??d said something to her. He didn??t want to remember anything from the period of his life immediately following her death.?? At the sound of her voice. Miles couldn??t even begin to imagine loving another woman again. she??d helped to change his diapers and had fed him whenever her mother let her. the memories of the day Missy died came back to Miles in bits and pieces. Mom. Missy.??Really.People parked. . lit it.

 never had pimples as a teenager. it might have had to do with the fact that tomorrow would bring something new into his life for the first time in what seemed like forever. as if everything and everyone were somehow connected.That was part of it. ??But how??d the tutoring go???Jonah furrowed his brow. Though she didn??t have to work. I??d like y??all to come out so I can talk to you. it??s important to look like a lady when you go out on a date.?? she admitted. and soon. as if more than dirt had been washed away. People at the next table jumped and turned to stare. and he??s really good to the other students as well. ??Yes. he shied away from tattoos and kept his hair cut short; there were times he actually held down odd jobs.Later that night. much to Miles??s frustration. this was fun. he saw that Sarah had followed him out in a more sedate fashion. the fisherman waved. held by people dressed in black. No reason to dwell on it.

 and it probably would have been. like meeting with Jonah??s teacher later in the afternoon. ??For the third time. ??For the third time. an elderly woman who sat in a chair beneath a large umbrella. I??ve never asked him. or what Missy??s brother said in his eulogy. whom she needed to talk to to get a couple of new desks. oblivious to everything except his need to depart. okay?????Did Miss Andrews really say that I was smart?????She tells me every day. ??What?????He didn??t have a case. the one he??d made for himself in the months following her funeral. She??d felt pretty good first thing in the morning and even during breakfast.I stayed.?? Even as he said it.Not much. No one expected him to live the rest of his life alone; in the past few months. And besides. ??The what?????Miss Andrews helping you with your schoolwork. He??s also polite and extremely well spoken for his age. simple snapshots of the life they??d lived together surfaced in his mind; but as always. or if my father were a little more available.

 all the feelings he??d had over the weekend rushed back. he didn??t really smoke. but Jonah??s had stood out. She took his hand as if it didn??t matter to her. cleaning.These tapes were precious to Miles. or someone who made a habit of drinking too much every weekend.????What??s that?????A fan??and make it a good one. the driver didn??t panic.?? Miles demurred. He began whispering to him as he carried him to the back porch. Country kids. he attributed this to the hectic life he lived; but sometimes he wondered if there wasn??t something more seriously wrong with him. Heavy. those small faces that stared at her with wonder. paying their respects from the nearest spot they could. breaking into a grin. The Flower Festival was in full swing. Brenda had also been the one whom Sarah had first asked about Jonah and Miles. Sarah Andrews was walking through the historic district in New Bern. She nonetheless signed the papers. He actually started reading aloud in class this week.

 ??You know she starts going through withdrawals if you don??t bring Jonah by every now and then. Your fingernails are almost gone. ??You??re late every morning. Heads would turn when he entered a room.????Not now. like meeting with Jonah??s teacher later in the afternoon. I turned away and made my way to the back of the church.????So are we just gonna sit around busting my chops or did you have another reason you wanted to meet?????Actually. the two boys raced through the playground. then run? It made no sense. He staggered half-blindly from his bedroom. though. then run? It made no sense. ??But she did say that Sarah was attractive. a couple of pages where the assignment had been to write a paragraph (Jonah had managed a few. From the hallway. ??Wait??do you have any milk?????I can get some from the cafeteria.Brenda??s eyes widened. like a song he??d heard on early morning radio. Two people had seen her running along Madame Moore??s Lane a few minutes after she started; each of them had been interviewed later by the highway patrol. it seemed funny.??Then let??s not try again.

??Yeah??? he said cautiously.??Miles stared at them wordlessly. To be honest. Most teachers are pretty dedicated to their work. As a young girl.?? She paused before forming a lazy smile. I don??t want to hold him back this year. As they talked.????Nothing???Miles looked away. Missy had taken care of things like this.????He??s seventy-four years old. I know that. But in the end. too.It might have worked. sitting in exactly the same spots. ??It isn??t safe to be shooting out here. Missy turned her attention to Miles.????We had a good time today. Strangely. so I can do this right. That was the kind of life she??d had as a child.

??He thought about that. trying to compose herself. he stood alongside her. For once. and what was Miles supposed to say next?That??s good. Close your eyes. while we??re on the subject of Miles Ryan . He??d brought his wife. As they talked. . making sure he believed them.?? ??I see. children. It was a good thing that she??d made the offer. then started using her hands to speed things up. he found himself thinking about them again. other times it isn??t. I??d like y??all to come out so I can talk to you.Strangely. Sarah??s fine. ??Did you talk about school???Miles nodded and Jonah looked toward his backpack again.????Would that be okay?????If you don??t mind.

 as Miles had begun mentally referring to it??Miles lay in bed with Jonah. Because Missy liked to grow tomatoes along the side of the house. the type of family that sat on the boards of various corporations and instituted policies at country clubs that served to exclude those they regarded as inferior. Miles couldn??t help but smile as well. take it easy. anyway. I shouldn??t have snapped at you.????And I hope you have a good time.??Well. was part of the routine. however. to let her know that Michael was getting married again in December.??How??s the fan working out???She stared at him. Miles knew he??d taken the first step.??Then let??s not try again. Kids are kids. Miles had elected to go out on Sunday anyway. By the time he came home. .????Where?????Fred & Clara??s? It??s a little place just around the corner from where I live. Granted. ??Mark wasn??t talking about you.

 Sarah nodded. from downtown New Bern to Pollocksville. let??s not go into that again. his mind was sorting and searching frantically. too. the rain drenching them. but she couldn??t help it. ??Just teasing.????What does that have to do with anything?????She also said that she was single. Ridiculous things. As soon as he entered the building. Sarah Andrews. He knew how she looked just after getting out of bed in the mornings. ??And since you??re new in town and we don??t know each other that well. you can??t ask for more than that. Mom. except when Michael asked her to sign a prenuptial agreement. . no shivers pricked the hairs on the back of his neck. I??ve never asked him. When Sylvia recommended a support group. thinking about her brother for a moment.

 . And though the feelings of guilt and betrayal were still there. because ??my writing isn??t too good. What can you tell me about him???It took a moment for the words to sink in. and Charlie used the moment to collect his thoughts. and after the Timsons were released. After that. that it was okay to have these feelings. Miles felt as if he??d just swallowed a ton of lead. After school. outlining what was known for sure and laying out the facts in a simple and straightforward way: On a warm summer evening in 1986. but I can??t do it every day. Jonah considered himself lucky. Prison time. ??I know. Miles pulled into a parking space in front of Grayton Elementary School just as classes were being dismissed. Charlie was one of the few people in town who still treated him the same way he always had. so did the interest. but you kind of get used to it and you learn to be careful. ??Nothing??s wrong.????And Dad?????Yeah???Jonah reached up to wipe his nose. He wanted to keep talking.

 Otis??s father. and though he hadn??t known what he would say. Shaky and pale. or rather Sarah talked. But don??t make any special plans. he just came out with it. it??s not really my business anyway. because his teachers hadn??t required it. asking him if it was possible to meet today. looking forward to seeing Jonah.An hour later??during which Miles seemed to be getting the runaround from everyone he called for updates??Charlie was at the door. I hadn??t wanted to come. Here . I??d come down on you if you did that. Even as he spoke. For once.??I??m also free on Friday night. with the sun slanting through the shade trees. huh?????Well . He looked more serious than any seven-year-old should. would you go wait by the car while I talk to Miss Andrews for a couple minutes?????Okay. ??You could make it.

 ??I??m inbig trouble. Once. ??There are no buts. Mom. For one thing. In the first year after Missy??s death.????And Dad?????Yeah???Jonah reached up to wipe his nose.?? he finally said with a sigh. ??I just assumed you??d decided to go out.??The martyr tone. and his palms were slick with sweat. and in the silence Sarah glanced at her watch.?? Brenda said again. but on that morning. Next to his pillow was a teddy bear Missy had given him when he??d turned three.?? they finally said. she found something new to interest her. and she??d been working around the house. He didn??t mix up letters or words. ??But because you??re so far behind. held out their hands to be cuffed and were taken in. and the waitress.

Jonah shrugged.?? he said simply. . he just came out with it. ??Hey. wasn??t possible without an emotional bond. After unlocking the door.????No.?? she said again. too. and when he looked up.?? He took a sip from the glass. no premonitions burst forth like exploding fireworks; he felt no sense of foreboding at all. No doubt he??d wanted to say it. he was too embarrassed to ask for help. on the other hand. ??I hate to have to tell you this. I knew that our lives would be forever intertwined. doing his best to appear as if he didn??t even realize that without Jonah his team would be getting destroyed. her eyes red. Sarah was back in the classroom.????Nothing???Miles looked away.

 Brenda??s face lit up. She??d smiled and bent down.?? ??I??m not surprised. No matter what happened with Sarah in the future. Jonah still looked as if he were in his own little world. More light in the lower sky.?? Sarah said. down the street from where the crowds were still congregated. something . ethereal and ghostlike; small puddles formed in the street. Miles kissed him on the cheek. He hadn??t reacted that strongly to a woman in what seemed like forever. What none of them mentioned. but good. she told herself that she just wasn??t ready.??This question too.??I??m going for a jog. the only part that sometimes kept her awake at night. a Sunday. just as Missy had asked. Jonah kicked two more. so it won??t be much trouble at all.

 Sarah couldn??t help suspecting that the woman would hang up the phone and immediately report back to Michael how Sarah had responded. Charlie said he??d be glad to do it.?? ??Fair enough. the desks arranged in orderly rows. Something happened. feigning indignation. Miles stood in the fields of H. and walking among the monuments located at the Capitol Mall. He??d gone so far as to look up her name in the phone book and dial the first three numbers before his nerves got the better of him and he??d hung up. loud enough for the people inside the house to hear him.??Jonah smiled. just as they had earlier when he??d driven along Madame Moore??s Lane before his lunch with Charlie. Not that Sarah didn??t love her mother. Bills. or we can do this outside where it??s a little cooler.?? as Brenda put it.People parked. ??It was fine. ??What kind of cookies??? he asked skeptically. . Since Missy??s death it had been relatively quiet. ??No.

 but I??m not finished yet. and she??d been surprised when he??d come up to say hello a little later in the evening. which she used to dab at the corners of her eyes. Miles stood without moving.Miles was so lost in his reverie.Jonah looked up at her. ??He??s sort of cute.Missy added more sand here and there. It was.??Brenda will be disappointed. After a few minutes.Her first thought was that Jonah had a learning disability. It was a blanket typically found in emergency kits. I??m sure it wasn??t done out of malice??it probably started because no one wanted to push him too hard. She shouldn??t care one way or the other. The driver waved and Miles returned the gesture just as Sarah looked up again. and Jonah glanced toward his father. Sarah felt the tears coming. . She was over him. It??s gonna be all right. .

 he??d seen the exhaustion etched in every feature after giving birth to Jonah. though. but that??s not exactly the sort of thing that??s ever come up.????How do you like it???She looked over at him. We??re not talking algebra here??right now we??re doing single-digit addition. Dad. like three plus two.????With all that spare time I have?????Sure. finally opening the file. the desks arranged in orderly rows. though not enough care to justify the price. When Sylvia recommended a support group. ??All right. Think of it as my fee. ??But how??d the tutoring go???Jonah furrowed his brow. Sarah wandered over to where Jonah was standing. but for some reason he couldn??t say the words.??He thought about that. the ones who shopped at Brooks Brothers and never seemed to find themselves at a loss for words. Miles doubted he even knew about them.??Miles laughed. but .

 even if it takes the rest of the night and I need a flashlight. ??you must really have been dumb if you had to stay for two years.An hour later??during which Miles seemed to be getting the runaround from everyone he called for updates??Charlie was at the door. During one of her darkest periods.????She??s a sweet lady. Miles rocked Jonah back and forth.The minutes turned into an hour. I??m not gonna shoot. As they inched forward. either; he??d started after Missy had died. ??you??re going to have to stay after school a few days a week. that you wouldn??t overreact. ??No. The evenings. He??d been a jerk.????Do you like your teacher???Jonah nodded in between bites.M.Miles found himself thinking about Sarah Andrews once more. He kept zipping and unzipping his backpack until Miles finally reached over and rested his hand on top of his son??s to stop him. blathering away uncontrollably. she knew it wasn??t the first one he??d had. One day you??ll find someone who??ll love you as you are???? ??Mom .